Happy birthday, princess! I think you had a great day today. I told you last night that it was your last day as a four-year-old, and that I was going to miss four-year-old Charlotte. 4yo was so wild and fun. I can’t wait to spend this year with you. You’re the best.
Love,
Dad
So Daddy got a job with the state. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but KLD was about to give me a heart attack. So I applied for a job at the state as a construction consultant and got it.
KLD is still kinda chugging along. I’ve got three guys working for me. One guy I’ve never even met. OJ isn’t perfect, but he’s been helping me a ton. He’s basically running everything for me. I do the estimates on the weekends, and he builds the decks. I just hope I can get it to last long enough that it’s profitable this year as a whole. Cause right now I’m like -$12,000 for the year.
The new job is fine. It’s a state job. I work around lots of professional people. It’s basically managing all the state’s construction projects around the state. It’s not super fast paced at all. Today, I basically just sat on my hands after lunch for a couple hours. It pays well and I’ve got great benefits, which your mother was super excited about.
Honestly, she doesn’t get enough credit for everything that I’ve been able to achieve. I never would have gotten this job without her. I never would have made it this far in life at all without her. Besides you two kids, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t describe how much I love her. She’s been there for me time and time again, and she’s mostly responsible for how well this family is doing.
I’m positive that you guys will grow to adore her as much as I do. I can already see it in your faces here and there. I really love you guys, more than anything. I just wanted to write this quick note on a Tuesday night.
Love,
Dad
One day…if you ever need it.
One day, a long time ago, in 2014, I was feeling pretty bad. Everything was going wrong, I felt, in my life. I was thinking that it would be easier to kill myself than to deal with fixing anything. I’m not entirely sure I could have gone through with it. I was sitting in our (Jackie and I’s) Ford Escape in the parking lot of the mall with a gun under the seat. All I could visual was somebody finding me, and Jackie finding out – the biggest thing was, she was pregnant with Mason. Even though I knew she loved me, I couldn’t help but try and think to rationalize it, that she’d eventually find someone else and be happy again. She’d hate me forever, but I kept thinking she’d eventually be happier not having to deal with me.
But the one thing that I just couldn’t live with is never knowing my first born. What to name you, what you’d be like – and how incredibly unfair and selfish it would be of me to make you grow up without a father.
It’s 9 years later, you’ll be 9 next month and these feelings never completely disappear. I can’t ever let you or Charlotte down – but I can’t help but wonder how many times I’d have killed myself these past years if it hadn’t of been for you two kids. You have no way of knowing how many times you’ve kept me from killing myself.
You might eventually know. If you ever find yourself in my position.
But right now, you’re the sweetest, kindest, smartest kids I’ve ever been around. You save me – all the time – and you don’t even know it. You’re just being yourself. Tonight, both of you laid in your bed and just hugged and snuggled and said the kindest, most loving things a parent could wish for – not knowing that that was exactly what I needed to have happen on this very night.
Sometimes, more regularly than you’re going to want, you’ll feel like life just isn’t worth living anymore. And you can think about that for countless hours until you’re incapable of functioning, that’s fine. But just remember how selfish it is. Remember that everybody else doesn’t die with you. Your mother and father (hopefully) and husband and wife and kids will still be here in this hell hole trying to make due without you. Even though you’ve got a life insurance policy, life will not be easier without you. It’ll be worse for everyone but you.
You kids saved my life again tonight. Just by being yourselves. Nine years old and four years old.
And I’m sure Jackie will read this at some point – honestly, you don’t deserve this. I know you’re happy to help and you’ll love me forever, no matter what. But I just can’t help but feel like you deserve better than me. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
I just can’t shake the tiny, nagging feeling that I’d be instantly better if I killed myself.
Hey guys,
I just wanted to say that I love you, and I hope you’re having a great 2023 so far. I think we are.
KLD has expanded to being a Florida certified residential contractor, we’re digging a giant hole for a $400k pool starting tomorrow, we’ve started clearing lots for people (one guy in Woodville so far), and there should be some great things to come this year. We finished last year with just over $500k in sales. I’d love it if we could hit a million dollars in sales this year. It’s probably not going to happen though because the economy is supposedly headed down the toilet now.
We’re building our first dock in the water in the next week or two. I’ve been doing pretty good with the decks. We’ve got a sunroom coming up in a couple of months too.
We got annual passes to Wild Adventures for Christmas from Grammie. I can’t wait to take you guys. We just got back from camping in New Orleans right after Christmas for a week. Man, was that an adventure haha. Never going back there!
I love you guys.
The older I get and the older you guys get, the more anxiety I have. I never used to have anxiety. Now, I feel like time is getting short, and I’ve got my entire lifetime’s worth of knowledge to impart on you guys. I haven’t even figured it all out yet myself, and by the time I do – I’ll be ancient. What I mean by ‘I feel like time is getting short’, is that time is going by so damn fast. I don’t even know how to explain it, this first paragraph was terrible but I’m going to leave it.
I’m deathly afraid of something happening to you guys. I’m not worried about something happening to me, but I’m deathly afraid of not being there for you guys when you need me. I don’t want to miss anything important or not in y’all’s life. I want to be there for everything. And I don’t want you guys to have to experience anything bad that I did. That’s where the anxiety comes in. I never used to be afraid of dying, and I was never constantly worried/deathly afraid of keeping tiny little people alive and well and not kidnapped.
“They” (whoever they is) say “Kids change everything”. This is what they mean. These are the things that nobody explains to you. Everybody says, “Kids are expensive and kids take up all your time and kids are stressful because they get everything dirty and break all your things” and I definitely get all that. I understand that a lot better now that I’ve got a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old. But what everybody failed to mention was that you’ll starting having anxiety – you’ll starting worrying for no reason that you might possibly not be there for your kid’s entire lives until they die. You might just have a panic attack in the middle of the day one day because you briefly imagined that one of your kids could get kidnapped or die some strange way, and what would that do to you and the rest of the family from here on out. I just don’t know how I could go on. I guess the same way I could go on after my incredibly terrible 2013 and 2014 – just knowing I had no choice because I owed it to my wife and kids to be there for them. They more than deserve to have a husband/father that’s the best at everything, and I’m the only one that can do it for them in this life – so that’s what I’m going to be or I’ll die trying.
Anyway, here are some ‘Rules for Raising Kids’ that I found online that I thought were pretty great.
1.Never lie to them. They are smart as hell and need truth more than protection. This kind of ties in with the old saying, “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” The reason that you guys need the truth is to better prepare you for an unforgiving world. I’m going to try and not shelter you guys – but reality is unbelievably harsh sometimes.
2. Tell them you love them every day – Check. Lol
3. Hug and kiss them frequently. If they never receive physical affection they won’t know how to give it or handle it. Check lol.
4. Let them get hurt. Pain is an invaluable teacher. They will only touch a hot stove once. I’m a goddamn pro at this. Actually, it’s not that I let Charlotte get hurt on purpose so much – it’s that she is constantly getting hurt, way more so than Mason at 3-years-old. She’s so reckless. She’ll fall head first into something without even trying to save her self at all. She wipes out so hard. She rounded the corner in the hall once, hit the inside corner of the wall, tripped and fell cheek first into the door jam of the bathroom – had a bruise on her cheek for at least a week.
5. Let them solve their own fights. When they run to you to solve the issue say “solve the problem” and stand back. I do this to an extent – because the fighting can get pretty annoying. I try to let you guys fight it out for the most part. It’s funny because Mason gets so annoyed and frustrated and can’t take it, just for Charlotte to continue on forever, it’s like she’s having the time of her life pestering Mason.
6. Teach them about money, cash flow, business and economics. School isn’t, this knowledge is 100% up to you. Check LOL
7. Get them a dog. Who wrote this??? Jackie??
8. Teach them to survive. Teach them to hunt, fish, build a shelter, start a fire, grow food, and find clean water. I’m trying… honestly, I’m terrible at this. We need to go camping more. Charlotte requests to camping about once a week. I think our first tent camping adventure had a huge impart on her LOL
9. Teach them manners. Please and thank you, yes sir, yes ma’am should never be encouraged but expected. If you have no manners, neither will they. Check.
10. Give them all of you. Let them see you cry. Let them see you rage. Never hide your feelings or emotions from them. Working on it…
11. Build a relationship with them. They deserve more than your clients, golf buddies or friends. Ask them questions. Find out what they love, ask them what they fear. Actively be investing in a relationship with them. This is probably the most important rule on this list. Genuinely should be rule number one. If every other rule on this list fails to materialize, if you’ve got a meaningful relationship with your kids, if you spend MOST of your time on them and not other BS like work, you kids will easily forgive you for the other short comings. It’s so blatantly obvious to me that the most important thing to Mason and Charlotte is that they just want to be near to me. They want to talk to me and do fun things, too. But mainly they just want to be with me, it makes them feel safe. Make that happen as much as possible.
12. Be in their world. If they like video games, play video games with them. If they like sports, play sports with them. Do things THEY want to do even if it’s not your cup of tea. Check LOL.
13. Date them at least monthly. Men take the boys out for guys night and your daughters out for daddy daughter dates. Be 100% present with them. We’ve been doing a lot of family activities, but maybe I’ll start making time for them individually. Mason and I have BJJ we share. Charlotte will have something like that too here pretty soon.
14. Discipline with intention. Discipline them but teach them the lesson after. Always hug and kiss them and tell them you love them after you discipline. I’ve always done this extremely well, I think, with Mason… I need to do a better job with Charlotte. Mainly, because when Charlie is bad (a wreck) there is no talking to her after. She’s a crying zombie (for right now).
15. Let them be a kid. They are nerdy, stinky, emotional creatures. Don’t try and make them a smaller version of you, let them be a kid. I try!
I love you guys!
The end of the year sneaks up so incredibly fast. First, Thanksgiving comes up out of nowhere, and before you know it, it’s Christmas. This year, we went to see Pawpaw in Brookhaven. It’s always good going to Mississippi. I love that place. It’s so down to earth and quiet. The kids all had a great time playing outside in the wide open spaces. It was a quick trip though.
KLD is doing smashingly. Vincent and I built maybe two or three decks this month. I’ll end the year with around $210k in sales. Nothing compared to last year, but I’ll have made more money this year. Employees are a gigantic nightmare. Last year, I ended up hiring and firing about 12 or 14 guys. It’s really ridiculous trying to find good help. We’ve done some really awesome projects, and we’ve really got a good system going between the two of us. We built a 20′ x 24′ deck with a handrail for $12k in 6 business days.
Christmas was super fun this year. Charlotte is old enough now that she’s talking a lot more, and its easier to understand her. Mommy and I really enjoy seeing the looks on your faces when you come down and see your presents Christmas morning. Both kids got lots of great presents – not only from Santa, but from family and friends.
Mommy’s second foot surgery was today. It went very quick and easy compared to the first time. She’s been sleeping all day on the couch downstairs. Hopefully, she’ll never drive barefoot again lol.
Mason’s doing so good at jui jitsu! I’m so proud of him. He’s been sticking with it since Aug. 31st. I actually started going at the beginning of December haha. I think we’re both learning a lot. Mason especially, it’s teaching him a lot about life as well.
Things are going so great right now. Christmas break is coming to an end, but we’ve all had such a great time. I can’t believe how big Charlie is getting and how much she’s starting to talk. Don’t blink!
Love,
Daddy
Hey kids,
Wow! What a great weekend. Mommy and I went to Daytona Beach for a rock concert. We saw Metallica, The Offspring, and Disturbed. We had so much fun! You guys stayed with LeeLee and Papa, went camping and swimming! You guys had so much fun too. Mason did so great swimming in the pool.
Your mother and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. We’re getting so old! Haha
Love you guys! Dad
Kids, your cousin Fritz Parman died in a car accident Friday morning while he was on his way to work.
I wasn’t super close to Fritz, but I really liked him. Besides being super friendly and funny, he was just cool. He was a cool guy, a man’s man. He owned tire stores and was huge into sports. He was a Florida Gator and a Jacksonville Jaguar fan among others. He was just always fun to be around. I always enjoyed spending time at his house growing up.
More importantly though, he was the corner stone of a gigantic, loving family with seventeen immediate family members. He was the son-in-law, husband, dad and granddad that held it all together. The side of the family that I’ve known since I was born is Uncle Bill & Aunt Betty, Vicki & Fritz, Quinn, Reed and Kelsey. That’s who I’d see when I visited Jacksonville as a child some 30 plus years ago. That number has grown now in years past to include spouses and grandchildren. He’ll be sorely missed by dozens and dozens of family members and countless friends.
At first, it seems the Parmans have been dealt an incredible blow, and they have in a way. But then I think of all the time they got to spend with such an incredible man, and how lucky and grateful we should be that such men lived. Fritz was incredibly smart and generous. He was loving and caring. All of his children have nothing but incredible things to say about the type of father and leader he was. The most tragic thing about it is the timing. Nobody’s ready for that.
I believe Reed said it best –
“Fritz Parman would never have wanted a lengthy description about who he was as a business owner or what his hobbies were because those were secondary to him. He would want to be known for what he was to Vicki, Quinn, Kelsey, and me: an adoring husband and an incredible father. For our mom, he was a best friend, a teammate, a forever date. For us kids, he always listened to us and supported our choices. He let us make mistakes and was there to guide us toward answers. Never making them for us, letting us fail if failure was needed. He supported us as no other Dad could have.
There won’t be another Fritz Parman at Big Chief Tire. The great ones don’t need to be replaced. They leave so much of who they are in the hearts of every person they encounter. Dad, you did that. There isn’t a person you interacted with that isn’t somehow better just by knowing you. We know you will continue to lead by the example you’ve set for us all.
Everything we do, Dad, we will work to honor you.
We love you. We’ll see you again.”
—Reed Parman
I agree with almost all of that. The great ones do need to be replaced. Everyone benefited from experiencing him. He made the world a better place! The problem is – you can’t. You can’t replace men like that. There will never be another Fritz III. But there is already a Quinn, a Reed & a Kelsey, and if Fritz made the impression I’m sure he did, they’ll all be just like him given the time. Reed may not see it now, but he’s destined to fill his dad’s shoes. Reed’s lineage proves that to me.
One of Reed’s great grandfathers, Bob Kornegay and great grandmothers Murrel Kornegay (my grandfather and my grandmother too) were both incredibly loving and kind. There wasn’t a single mean bone in Grandmother’s entire body. Reed’s grandmother, my Aunt Betty, is the second most kind and loving person I’ve ever met in my entire life – (second only to Grandmother). I’ve never met someone as dedicated to caring about other people as she is. That obviously rubbed off on Vicki. She’s just like the great women before her. (That and because of who she chose as a partner for life – someone as loving and caring as the men that raised her). Marry those incredible women to Bill Atkinson and Fritz Parmen, and you end up with Quinn, Reed and Kelsey. That’s why I say Reed’s destined to fill his dad’s shoes one day. All the men and women that made him were great.
It won’t come easy or quick. It takes dedication and time. Dedication to the memories of Fritz and spending time with family. But your family tree will help get you there. All you have to do is stay true to the Parmen’s and Atkinson’s that came before you.
Rob Kornegay
Not much time has passed, only two months, but so much as happened so quickly. Your mother got into a small wreck August 31st. She was driving down Thomasville Road, and it was raining real bad. There were some cars stopped in front of her, she braked, but the car hydroplaned. She rear-ended a black car, and somehow hurt her foot. Apparently, she was putting on brakes very hard with her right foot, it came off the pedal or something and she fractured a bone in the top of her right foot. She had to have surgery to put a small metal plate in her foot. She’ll have another surgery next month to get the plate taken out. The car wasn’t even messed up bad. It had a scratched bumper and a dented hood. So, she’s been scooting around on a knee-scooter for the last month and crutches. It’s not easy chasing you guys around on crutches.
Next up on the big events for the Fall of 2021, Mason started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu! I think we started the day of mom’s car crash or the day after. There is a new martial arts gym that opened just a couple of minutes away from the house. I took Mason by to see what it was all about, and Shane, the head instructor, got him to just attend a class to see if he liked it. Mason loved it, I signed him up, and he’s been doing it ever since. So far, it’s basically Mon – Thursday night every night at 5:30 pm. He’s only been doing it for about 6 weeks, so he’s real green, but he is showing so much promise. He’s really enjoying it. One of the most important things that he’s learning is how to lose. It’s hard growing up with parents that are 100% praise all the time for every little thing that their baby does. Mainly because they’ll start doing something like public Jiu Jitsu classes, and they’ll start getting their butt kicked in everything all the time and it’s a wake up call. It’s hard to be a good loser. It takes patience and understanding of the big picture of what you’re trying to actually accomplish with BJJ. There’s so many little things he’s learning, and its great for him as a person overall. I highly recommend a very personally accountable (individual) sport.
Oh, and deck building is going great. Love you guys!
Love,
Dad
Just wanted to take a second and say, I love you. Good luck tomorrow, you start 2nd grade. Do good! I had a great summer with you and Charlotte. Charlotte goes back to day care tomorrow for the first time in 18 months. I love you too baby girl! Love Daddy.
S.M.U.R.F. 