Happy Birthday, Mace

What a crazy couple of weeks. Your mother and I, Grammie, Aunt Lea, Uncle Brian and Aunt Shauna and all the cousins all got COVID on your birthday trip to the mountains…

It seems like we didn’t get a summer break at all this summer. Time has flown by so fast. You’re starting 2nd grade here in a week, and it’s making your mother and I very sad. It seems that you and Charlotte are growing up incredibly fast. Anyway, Uncle Brian told us a while back that he was going to plan a trip to Asheville for everybody. So the day after your birthday, we loaded everybody up and left real early in the morning for Asheville, NC. We got there Wednesday afternoon at about the same time as everybody else. Grammie, Lea and Noah drove up together, and Brian, Shauna, Bryant, Grayson and MJ drove up together. Wednesday night, we went out to eat basically, and just hung out at the house. Thursday, we went to a waterfall but Grammie stayed home sick. Friday, we went horseback riding and to another waterfall. Grayson stayed home sick with Grammie. Saturday, we went to a farmer’s market and parted ways.

On the long ride home for everybody, everyone apparently started to get sick. Your mother and I didn’t really start feeling bad for several days. I felt weird at work on Monday, but I wouldn’t have gone home at all. I was mainly just tired, but it’s because I had slept so bad on the crappy bed for several nights. After lunch on Monday, my mother texted all of us and said she had tested positive for COVID. I instantly felt terrible for you because I knew you had just started Minecraft summer camp that day. You were super excited about your week-long Minecraft summer camp at the Challenger Learning Center. I went home from work about 2pm, waited with Mom and Charlotte for a couple hours, and then went and got you from summer camp. Just as I suspected, you had an amazing first day at summer camp. You were so happy about hanging out with your friends and doing Minecraft things. That night, I had to break the news to you that Grammie was sick and that everyone was going to have to stay home from work and summer camp. You cried on two separate occasions. Once that night and once the next morning. It really upset your mom and me that we had to make you stay home. We’d been talking about it for a long time now and you didn’t want to wait an entire year just to go again. I’m sorry buddy.

Tuesday and Wednesday were real weird. I felt strange. I was tired, but not more than usual. I had an upset stomach, but not more than typical acid reflux. I worked on my car a lot, and I worked on getting my train horn installed. I honestly got a lot done those days. Thursday, I felt slightly worse. I might have had a fever Thursday. I still managed to get stuff done around the house that day. Friday, I felt even slightly worse still and I didn’t really get off the couch all day. My head was aching a lot that day because of the extreme sinus pressure, I didn’t really feel like eating at all, and I felt like I could get real light headed. It seemed like some kind of weird flu – except no extreme fever (the most I ever had was probably 100.8), no running nose, no stuffy nose, no coughing. It never really hurt to breathe and I was never short on breathe. However, and even still to this day, my air ways – nasal passage from my hose, to my tonsils (or where they used to be) and throat feel like I’ve eaten 100 green peppermints. It’s an almost pleasant burning sensation whenever I breathe in or out. Saturday, the exact same thing. I didn’t get off the couch. I couldn’t bring myself to go outside or actually do anything all day. Mom and I slept a lot.

Sunday, we all just sat around and play video games, watched tv all day. I felt slightly better. Monday, I felt slightly better still. Today, I’m probably 90% completely over COVID. I’d be 99% over it, but I haven’t eaten a lot in the last week, I’ve lost 7 pounds. I’m still a little weak and tired. Honestly, that was one of the weirdest sicknesses I’ve ever had in my life. Mom and I both tested positive for COVID, and the results said, “Results – positive. Don’t get retested for 90 days, you can go back to work in 10 days.” That’s it. That was about 9 days ago before either one of us had gotten sick at all, and the CDC is like – yeh, you’re fine, you can go back to work in 10 days. Everything about it was very strange.

I’m very thankful that kids aren’t really getting COVID at all. You and Charlotte were great the entire time. Neither of you got sick, you played together relatively good, Mom and I did not get super sick at all. I got to spend a lot of time with my family. We were very lucky that this happened now and not next week when school starts. I’m sorry about not having a good birthday. I don’t think you really noticed because we were excited about going on vacation the next day. And we had a small party at the rental house on like Friday. But I’m really sorry about Minecraft camp. I really wish you could have gone to that more. The summer has been pretty boring for you and Charlotte. I promise I won’t let next summer be like this one. I love you guys!

Daddy

Trouble in 1st Grade

Yesterday, I got an email from Mason’s 1st grade teacher:

Good Morning,

Just wanted to reach out and let you know some things that have been happening at school with Mason in the past week or so.

He is playing with things in his desk, things he brings from home that should not be out during our learning time (playdoh, rocks, legos, coins). This morning he was playing with something and lied and tried to hide the object he was playing with. He is not using his words and is being very aggressive towards his friends, pretending to punch or hit them, and getting in their faces to try and get their attention.

I have talked to him about these behaviors at school, even had him turn his desk around so that the opening is no longer facing him and moved him in line to get him away from people I thought might have been causing issues, but it does not seem to be working.

Could you please talk to him about not bringing toys or other objects to school with him, and using his words more instead of acting the way he is towards his classmates? I know it is the end of the year and they are getting older and probably bored with the school year, but with second grade right around the corner I want to make sure he is prepared, and some of the behaviors he is showing are distracting him and others from learning and the end of the year is an important time in 1^st grade!

Thank you!

Brittany Crawford

First Grade Teacher

DeSoto Trail Elementary School

5200 Tredington Park Drive

Tallahassee, FL 32309

I was a little surprised. We have been asking about how you were doing at school, and thought that everything was pretty normal. I had no idea that you were doing any of this. Mommy said that when she picked you up at school yesterday, you told her you cried at school because Ms. Crawford had already said that she wrote a message to mom and dad. Mommy said that you cried in the car on the way home, too.

I thought about how to handle the situation for almost the entire day at work that day. I decided to try and be as understanding as possible, and to let you know that we needed to come up with a plan to keep you out of trouble in the future. From now on – you need a plan to keep you busy and you need to make sure that you aren’t doing anything that’s going to get you in trouble. I know that it’s going to be hard, Daddy did bad in 1st grade too and I got in trouble. It’s hard to not be bored all the time. It’s hard trying to not goof off all day when you already know what’s going on. Last night, I told you that you needed to be thinking long and hard about coming up with a plan to keep yourself from getting in trouble. You are super smart and I know that you’ll come up with a good plan. You’re at school without Mommy and Daddy and that the decisions to do things are just you. If you need to ask questions – do it at home when you are with us. We’ll come up with a plan together. Tell Ms. Crawford when you are bored, ask her if there is anything you can be doing to keep yourself from getting in trouble.

Basically, because you and Charlotte and I are all identical, I know exactly what you’re going through. Charlotte’s going to be the same way. If it isn’t exciting, you’d rather be doing something exciting. End of story. Your brain is going way too fast for all that boring stuff. I’ll try and come up with something… I don’t have all the answers yet. Maybe tomorrow. Love, Dad

I have no idea what I’m doing

I have no idea what I’m doing.

2020 started off as an excellent year, record break sales for KLD and ended with KLD going out of business. What a disaster 2020 was. This flu-like virus bug started going around in March. We went to a wedding in mid-March for Nate and Emily in TN, and it was just starting to go around then. Everything was brand new. It started with a two-week, everybody go home from school and work and let’s see what’s going to happen. Then two more weeks. Then at least another 30 days, maybe 60. Then – FUCK IT – let’s just completely shut everything down until the end of the year. Your mother has been “working” from home since March 2020. Which means half working/half getting yelled at by Charlotte all day, going to pick you up at school at 2:30, then yelling at you for the rest of the day until I get home. Today, your mother was standing in the garage waiting for me to get home because “it’s so much quieter in the garage.”

Charlotte turned two years old three weeks ago. Last time I wrote one of these, I was like – Jesus, it’s been so long, I’m going to try and write one again soon and WTF. It’s been an entire year and two weeks. For the last several months, Charlotte has been on an entirely different level. The pictures and videos coming out of captivity are ridiculous. She’s broken or spilled at least 900 things. She’s got two different diabolical laughs. Whenever she is excited or happy, she has an ear-piercing scream. She runs full speed and head butts your mother and I. She’ll also slap you right in the face, and then pet you – and kiss your boo boo immediately – like a real life sour patch kid. Charlotte – holy shit girl friend. What is your deal? Are you trying to kill your mother and me? Why do you have to rub your food in your eyes and hair? Why do you pour your drink on the couch and then smack it? Because you woke up this morning and chose chaos.

I have no idea what the hell I’m doing right now. COVID made lumber prices triple over the course of maybe two months. I went back to all my customer’s that were waiting, half of them thought I was crazy, some of them were okay with the price increases, most of them were not. I lost an insane amount of money in a short amount of time because of terrible employees. It’s mostly my fault for trying to expand too quickly. I started off the year with one helper. Then I added another. Then I fired one. Then I added another. Then he quit. Then I added another. Then he got fired and I added two more. Then one of them quit and I fired the other. All in all, I went through about 13 employees in 6-8 months. I got up with five employees at once. Nobody was capable of doing shit. They were all lazy idiots. So I made the decision to change them to commission and two of them quit. I fired another for worker’s comp fraud. I agreed to lay one off so he could collect unemployment – even though come to find out he was a convicted cocaine trafficker. The last guy I had stayed with me for a few weeks and I eventually told him we were done. I told him I started looking for jobs elsewhere.

Around September or October, I got a job as a project manager at Mitchell Bros. Paving/Capital Asphalt. It’s owned by an 80-year-old man named Eddie Mitchell. He was probably the meanest, stupidest, richest dude I’ve ever met. That lasted about 30 days, and I walked out one Monday morning. That job was freaking terrible. After that, I walked right into Minco again like I’d never left.

And here I am – not knowing what the fuck I’m doing with my life.

I’m 36 years old. COVID is still a thing. Joe Biden just took office from a completely fraudulent election. The democrats hold the house, the senate and the presidency. Things are not looking good for 2021.

Christmas was great. Pawpaw came down to stay for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. He loves to see all the kids around. He gets real sad sometimes about BJ being gone. I have dreams sometimes about missing her. It’s mainly just thinking about how old Pawpaw is, and how much he’s seen and done – all with BJ by his side, and now she’s not there anymore. I can only imagine how lonely he is sometimes. It’s hard to talk to him because he’s 91 now and can’t hear very well. I love seeing him and spending time with him, but it’s sad at the same time. There isn’t much to talk about. It’s mainly just sitting together. The feeling that he could be gone any day never leaves my mind. I know it’s coming, and I know how bad it’s going to be. Although I feel lucky to be his grandson, I can’t help to be sad that I’ll never be like him enough. He’s too nice and too strong (for his age). I also can’t believe that Granddad only lived to be about 68…and Pawpaw is 91 now and still going…

Life is definitely not fair. Or predictable. Granddad died at his house, on the couch, of basically starvation because he had stomach cancer. BJ died of COVID at 88. Grandmother died of Alzheimer’s at age 83. Even though Granddad died at age 68 – Grandmother and Granddad were still married for 51 years.

It’s not fair that Pawpaw has gotten to live so much longer than Granddad. Pawpaw has seen me grow up to age 36. Seen my different houses I bought, seen my two kids grow up to age 6 and 2. I think I was about 12 or 14 when Granddad died.

I don’t have a real moral of the story this time. I just want you to know that no matter how hard things get in the future – I’ve been there and done it already. I know what you’re feeling. I’ve felt helpless and hopeless and depressed and mad and sad all at the same time. The purpose of these blog posts are to teach you the things I wish I would have been taught growing up. They are to help you when you might need it most. They are to make growing up a little easier – you don’t have to learn everything the hard way like I did. When I was 18, I stopped talking to my dad for a while. Again when I was 28 until about two months ago, I didn’t speak with my dad at all. To not speak with someone that’s suppose to be an important mentor, it makes life harder than it needs to be. You don’t have to do things by yourself, I want to be there every step of the way. Although, if I know you (and me), you’ll probably want to do things by yourself – the hard way – eventually.

I’m still not “speaking” with my dad. We’ve had awkward conversations at his house during Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it was just the usual small talk you’d have with someone in an elevator.

Also, just when you think that KLD is dead and gone, you’ll get three or four estimates lined up for this coming weekend… Cross your fingers. Love, dad

Charlies 1st Birthday

This post should be nothing but paragraphs of the crying emoji.

Charlotte, you started walking about a week or 10 days ago. You were already too much to handle. Now, you’re full mobile – up stairs, in cabinets, everywhere. I can’t describe how much joy you give me and your mother and especially Mason.

I came to daycare to pick you up on Wednesday. I pulled in right behind the daycare van that Mason was riding in, and he saw me. He jumped out of the van SUPER excited that I was there to pick him up – oops lol. So guess who got to come along with us. So Mason and I came to your little room to get you. I told Mason to stay in the hall because he’s a wrecking ball. I walked in the room and initially, you didn’t see me. When you heard me and saw me standing there, you just screamed in an sigh of relief like FINALLY get me out of here. You put your head down and started crying as fast as you could right towards me – and right past me – to Mason who had swung the door open and was standing in the door way. You stood up in front of him and yall hugged! At first I was like WTF girlfriend, I’m the daddy, but obviously I melted because you guys were so happy to see each other. It’s quick memories like that I’ll never be able to capture on video because they are so short and unexpected, but that’s alright. I’ll never forget it.

2019

The best year thus far.

I’ve got years of things to talk about and mere hours to write it all down. I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep, and it’ll be 6 months from now.

I know that I’ve still got a few weeks left in 2019, but it doesn’t matter what happens between now and midnight Dec 31st – 2019 has been the best year of my life.

I’m overcome with extreme emotions right now. Several short years ago (5), my wife was pregnant with my first kid, and I had disappeared to the corner of the Tallahassee mall parking lot, sitting in my Ford Escape, not wanting to continue on. I was convinced that Jackie would eventually get over me and find much, much better. I was so sorry that I had wasted so much of her time. I felt like dying, and I was tired of waiting. I’m really not entirely sure that if she hadn’t have been pregnant, I would be sitting here right now, crying, typing this. Obviously, hind sight is 20/20, and future sight is 0/20, impossible. No one has any idea what the future holds. I just wish I could have known 2019 was coming.

But I knew Jackie was pregnant. Even before I was an actual father – I knew I couldn’t let that kid grow up without a father. More than that, I felt compelled to teach my future kid everything I possibly could about life so that it would have to go through the same heartache I did. Sitting in that parking lot in that SUV crying – I was going to do whatever I could to keep my future kid from ending up in the same spot.

Fast forward to 2019. Five years experience with Mason and 11 months experience with Charlotte, I’m beside myself emotional at the possibility of missing 5 minutes with my kids. It makes me want to go hug them as they sleep.

The logistics of being a parent is not the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s annoying at times, ya’ll talk a lot and Charlotte throws up on me, etc, but mostly, it’s get dressed, eat breakfast, clean up your toys – it’s not that bad. The part that I wasn’t prepared for, the part that I still can’t get a handle on is the worrying about ya’ll being at school without us. I’m scared to death you’re going to get hurt on the playground or kidnapped or choke to death. It’s just never ending anxiety about keeping you both safe. At home, you’re safe, its little things like electrical outlets (Mason has been shocked), hitting heads on fireplace bricks, Charlotte choking on too many hand-fulls of food. When you’re at school and daycare, you’re mother and I have no idea what’s going on and its stressful.

Mason, I cannot say enough about your personality. It’s incredible. You are so much like me and so much like your mother. After plugging in too many Christmas lights in a row, some of them blew out (fuse). Yes that’s still a thing in 2019. Jackie was trying to find out which strand was bad, and you just said, “What seems to be the problem?” The way that you said it – you just sounded like a 40 year old mechanic.

You are very high strung. It’s mostly my fault that you get super bored walking between the car and the garage door. It’s like if you don’t have something to keep you busy, you just start causing chaos. It’s not complete chaos, it’s just massive amounts of toys and play scenarios with characters and back stories and go-go-go. You’ve definitely got a destructive boy personality. You love the fires that I build (you tell me constantly), but you also love playing in the fire. You like school for the most part, and most of the time after school. I think that you’re a little young, by a few months, for kindergarten, and that’s noticeable occasionally. I try to be as firm as I can when you get in trouble, but half of me is just like ‘screw it’ I was the same way (I know I can’t just let you get away with murder though). You’ve gotten some daily reports, mostly good, with some occasional back talking, not listening, being disruptive, etc. I think the thing that gets to you the most is my firm talkings-to. I can definitely control when the water works start, and I’ll only do it intentionally if I feel the punishment fits the crime. You’ve taken some Play Dough from school, and you’ve back talked the teacher, and you’ve gotten some quick spankings. You didn’t cry for the most recent one. But you did cry almost immediately during my ‘you stole like a bad-guy’ speech.

I’m not sure if Jackie remembers anything from kindergarten. I remember one thing well, not much else. I wrestled a kid on the playground because we didn’t get along. I think it was the first week of school. Anyway, you came home yesterday and said that two girls showed their private parts to the whole class. So I guess I know what your one lasting memory of kindergarten is probably going to be…

We’ve had an incredible year together, we’ve gone on some Dad/Mason dates. We went and got ice cream, just the two of us, and you’ve gone to the dump with me a couple times. You love pressing the button to dump the dump trailer. Last year, you were the sweetest kid – still a little kid that loved his daddy. This year, I’m beside myself because of how much you’ve grown into a little boy. You are so smart and handsome. You are so much fun to be around, you’ve got the best imagination. Every night when I tuck you in and turn off the lights, I say, “I love you, night night, sleep tight, you’re my best friend.” And you really are my best friend. You’re obsessed with spending as much time with me as possible, and that gives me the best feeling I’ve ever had. I love it.

I try to think back 5 years to when Mason was 10-11 months old. I can’t remember Mason acting the way that Charlotte does now. She’s an absolute mess. She’s super busy from the time she wakes up until the time she passes out. She fights sleep – no matter the time of day or night. She loves to eat – anything. Spaghetti, broccoli, bread, meats, you name it. All the adult food. She’s got the most adorable giggles, and the cutest eyes and smile I’ve ever seen. She’s been standing on her own for a month easy, she’s taken one step (and fallen over) a dozen times now. She knows what she’s doing. She’s got an incredible attitude – at dinner mostly, but lots of times. For a lot of the time, she just doesn’t want to be put down. She wants to be picked up, but then immediately put back down. Like Mason, go-go-go. I’m very excited for her to grow up, but very sad that these last 11 months have gone by super fast. No words, except dada. Mom and I are just so obsessed with our two perfect kids. It makes my heart so happy to see you guys have fun and discover new fun things.

It’s past midnight now, and Jackie has texted me twice, from bed, that it’s time for me to go to bed. I could easily write for another couple hours, but the texts will just keep coming.

Love,

Dad

Dear little buddies…

April 6th, 2019

I’ve realized now that I’m writing this for the both of you, Mason and Charlotte. I just realized that the last blog post was January 23rd a few weeks after Charlotte was born and now she’s 13 weeks old. I can’t stress enough how much time flies.

I quit my job at Minco Auto & Truck Accessories a couple weeks ago. My last day was March 15th. I worked there off and on for 9 years. I gained from that a vast amount of knowledge about cars and trucks. I quit three times actually. I quit the first time to open the Tallahassee Indoor Shooting Range. I quit the second time to go work for my friend James Schiller in Tampa. I quit the third time to go work for Alpha Foundations, and that is where I learned how a company should be ran. AFS is easily the best company I’ve ever worked for in my life, also the most organized and professional. That’s how I’ll model KLD Fence & Deck.

I wanna talk a little bit about what led me to quit my job at Minco and go to work for myself, but the real reason I’ve woke up on this Saturday morning is to write more about my dad.

First, I’ve been building fences since 2014. I built my first fence for a guy named Sean who owned the CrossFit gym I went to named Black Box. It was a solid fence. I built it very similar to how I build fences now actually. I do a few things a lot better now, like the 2×4 separation and the post concrete. Anyway, I built it on the weekends. I was working full-time at Minco the second time. Over the years, after changing jobs three times and doing jobs for people on the weekends, it got to the point in mid-2017 where I was booked out a month and a half on jobs. Enough people knew that I built fences and word got around. I had to start an actual schedule because of all the estimates I was going to and all the jobs I had lined up. This continued at Minco for two years straight.

I was taking you to daycare in the mornings around 8:30 and then going to Minco at 9. Usually, I’d work until at least 6, sometimes much later, with a 30 minute lunch somewhere between noon and 2pm. On the weekends, I’d work 8 to 5 both Saturday and Sunday building fences. Last year, I worked every single weekend, except probably 6 or 8 weekends. Luckily, I stayed about 4 weeks out on work, which was about two medium size fence jobs. Well, nothing in particular changed this year. I just got lucky on my estimates. Half a dozen people gave me a job to do. I was really sick of working weekends, and I had like 8 weekends worth of work to do. I had to make a decision. Either I keep working at Minco (and stop building fences on the weekends) or I quit Minco and work these 6 projects. What made it an easy decision was that it was $15,000 in fences, of which I would profit $7,500 in a month or 6 weeks. I just had to quit Minco and do the work. So I did.

These last three weeks have flown by. I’ve been very busy. My truck transmission went out, again, and so I bit the bullet and bought a new truck. A 2017 Ford F-350 with 45k miles. I’ve been in Panama City a few days doing a fence, I’ve got a big fence in Quincy I’ve half completed, and it’s been raining a couple days. Overall, it’s been an excellent first few weeks. I’ve got jobs lined up until the second week of May and several more on the horizon.

More to come.

Love,

Dad